Wanna be the Dorkiest LEP Officer Ever?
by The OddBird
Summary: Artemis and the gang along with a few crazy reviewers are thrown on a gameshow, which ends up throwing them into complete random scenarios. Along the way is non other than the infamous murderous Bob This is a reposting of WWTBTDLEPOE with new chapters ]


**WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I'M STILL ALIVE!**

**This fic was deleted, but I've reposted it.**

**Yes, how could I give up on this fic, exactly, I couldn't : ) I lost all of the chapters except for this one and all the other ones posted after it, I have a new chapter all written up, but I'm just posting some of the older ones, so new reviewers can get a little background. BTW I did change some lines in this fic, but for the better, because some were kinda lame.**

**So yeah, on with it!**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own it oh yes, and thanks to Happynutcase, who lemme use her Car dude, for one chapter, if you don't know what I'm talking about, go read her fic Artemis Fowl Hotline HIYAAA!**

**_No thank you's yet : (_**

**I thought I should put the names of all the characters, since to many this will be your first time reading this fic, so here's all the non-AF characters that you'll be seeing in this fic (all chapters, unless they stop reviewing)**

**VGW (VampyGenieWitch): **This is my good friend Sophie who's been in the old version of this fic since about the 5th chapter, she's insane, don't mind her.

**Nutcase(HappyNutcase): **This is my OTHER good friend Shannon who's been in the fic a little longer than Sophie, I think the third chapter or so. Yeah, she's insane to, but you may want to mind her, she goes on a biting rampage occasionally.

**Idenity(Idenity99): **someone who I haven't talked ot in a while, but was a loyal reviewer and got to be in this fic because of her loyalness.

**Melabee: **Another loyal reviewer who got to be in this fic from her LOYALNESS.

**ME(the OddBird, duh): **Me, I get to be in this fic out of pure awesomeness. I mean like GEEZ I'm too sexy to leave out ;) Plus, there'd be no host if I wasn't in it.

**Bob:** This DUDE who is trying to ruin my game show and kill my contestants. He's usually is invisible but CAN turn into A Large Round yellow Smiley face that resembles the Wal-mart smiley face. VERY EVIL, AVOID AT ALL COSTS.

****Chapter 1, A remote, a phone, and a glove

**Holly was writing a play about different people she knew and has seen in her dreams. She planned on giving it to Artemis as a present, to maybe make him crack a freaking smile. On a CHERRIER side, here was what she wrote:**

**Me**: Welcome back to-

**Foaly**: Gosh, you don't ALWAYS have to say that…

**Me**: -_electrocutes Foaly_-

**Artemis**: Nice…

**Everyone**: Shutup Artemis, you're not cool.

**Artemis**: -_sob_-

**Butler**: -_who just realized he told Artemis to shutup_- Oh

**Mulch**: Since when does Butler swear?

**Me**: Since the chapter where he told Juliet to shut the f up…

**New Readers** (A/N: I LOVE YOUUU): What chapter…

**Everyone**: Wait, -_gasp_- OddBird, you SWORE!

**Me**: Yeah, so –_checks rating_- Oh $#!

**Butler**: Uhm yeah so, what are we supposed to be doing?

**Idenity**: -_sneeze_-

**Juliet**: Bless you –_gives tissue_-

**Idenity**: Eh, whatever –_eats tissue_-

**-something rings-**

**VGW**: YAY school's OUT!

**Nutcase**: -is _dancing around and knocks the phone off the receiver_-

**Everyone**: -_nervous glance around_-

**Root**: Well say hello!

**Nutcase**: I knew that. Uh…hello?

**Dude on other end**: Hey it's me again, the car dude, your carphone went dead and hung up

**Nutcase**: Oh…

**VGW**: Find my gloves yet?

**C.D**.: Er, Maybe, I found this sorta see-through one, but it looks like a finger off a glove, is that it?

**Everyone**: -_gags_-

**Bob**: -_is eating pancake_- MUWHAHA –_chokes_-

**Everyone**: _-points and laughs_- HAHA

**C.D**.: Wtf is that noise?…

**Authoress**: -is tempted to write _your mom-_

**Bob**: ME

**C.D**.: Who is…

**-phone is taken from Nutcase by an invisible force-**

**VGW**: Oh yeah, Bob can be invisible…

**Butler**: So THAT'S what I felt in bed last night…

**Everyone**: _Ew_…

**Mulch**: Isn't Bob a guy… O.o

**-Bob is busy chatting with C.D.-**

**Idenity**: Yeah, and he ate my pancake, flucker!

**Me**: -_only hearing the last part of the end word_- Woah, RATING, oh wait, nevermind

**Idenity**: It wouldn't have mattered, it's rated Teen…

**Me**: Yeah, but some bitchy people could report me…

**Everyone from the AF books:** -_reports fic-_

**Bob**: So tea on Sunday is fine with you then?

**C.D**.: Yeah, just don't tell my wife.

**Everyone**: Oh dear…

**Idenity**: -_hangs up on C.D. and approaches Bob with haircurler_- Oh damn, I CAN'T SEE HIM –_sobs and curls hair_-

**Melabee**: NOOO, NOT THE GUMDROP BUTTONS

**Idenity**: OMG MY PANCAKE LOVER!

**New Readers**: Huh…

**Everyone**: Gumdrop buttons o.O?

**-gingerbead man runs by crying and points to VGW**-

**GM**: She stole the gumdrop buttons!

**-GM, Nutcase and OddBird turn to VGW-**

**VGW**: Errrrr, well, I kinda ate them but if you really want them back-

**Artemis**: No, NO we're ok, please, just…don't.

**VGW**: Ok geez… -_sits in corner_-

**Idenity**: -_is poking mid-air-_

**Me**: Er, whatcha doin?

**Idenity**: Trying to find Bob.

**Nutcase**: Is he lost?

**Idenity**: NO –_sobbing uncontrollably_- HE STOLE MY PANCAKE

**New Readers**: Ok, seriously WHATS UP WITH THE WHOLE PANCAKE THING?

**OddBird**: PRO DIGGITY DOGS sorry, I had an urge to do that, anyway, yeah Melabee turned into a pancake while we were in Venice one chapter, because a bus ran over her.

**Readers**: OH YEAH

**OddBird**: ;) My good memory.

**K back to the fic**.

**VGW**: -_Is tutting to her pinky finger_- tut… tut

**Bob**: I'm So0oo evil

**Foaly**: Yet so stupid…

**Bob**: Come closer Foaly

**Foaly**: -_scared look_- Er no, I'm good.

**-everyone suddenly dies-**

….

**Me**: (WHO IS SO SPECIAL AND DIDN'T DIE) Oops, wrong action

**-everyone suddenly laughs-**

**Nutcase**: -_teary eyed laughing_- So why are we laughing?

**Root**: BEWARE THE PENGUINS

**Bob**: Say wha- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

**-penguins close in on Bob-**

Idenity: _-grabs her penguin costume and joins in-_

**Me**: _-watching the fight and talking to Nutcase_- Yeah, I made us laugh because I was bored but-

**Studio audience**: -_claps-_

**Mulch**: huh, when did they get here?

**Me**: They've been here all along

**Everyone**: &$#!

**Me**: Watching your EVERY MOVE

**Everyone**: (

**Me**: STALKING YOU FOR-

**Mulch**: Yeah ok WE GET IT

**Bob**: -_girl scream_- AHHHH I'm being attacked by female penguins! SQUEEEEEEEEE

**VGW**: Should we stop them?

**Me**: Naw, let him scream some more…

**Root**: Whilst giving me a headache, GOSH WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE _–runs to corner_-

**Artemis**: -_walks over and stands in front of Foaly-_

**Foaly**: Sup ARTY

**j/k, that sounds like something I'd say**

**Foaly**: Uhmmm, hi…

**Artemis**: _-waves a beer bottle around-_

**Nutcase**: Whatever he's on, I WANT SOME.

**Me**: Yum, beer –_flicks t.v. channels_- DAMNIT I MISSED LOST (A/N: I loveeeee that show!)

**Artemis**: -_does Irish jig rapidly_-

**VGW**: Uhm, Clancy, why does you remote have a dance button- OMG I can do that jig SO MUCH FASTER.

**Eoin**: I beg to differ, I AM Irish –_tries to do jig and trips over his shoelace-_

**Everyone**: -_points and laughs_- AHAHAHAHA

-**while they compete, I have fun with the remote buttons**-

**Me**: Cool, a SEX button, hehe, funny word… sex…-_presses it_-

**VGW**: -_still doing jig_- Woah, Artemis I know the competitions hot, but you don't need to take your shirt off, and what the hell are you- AHH! UHG, OH . MY . GOD . EW! –_runs away with hands covering eyes-_

**-penguins finally finish beating Bob and go back home-**

**Nutcase**: -_sees VGW coming, occasionally crashing into things cuz her eyes are covered-_ Woah, what happened? You look like you just saw a nude ghost.

**VGW**: -_whimper_- Well, I sort of have…

**Nutcase**: Oh…ew.

**Me**: Yeah, well now I'm out of ideas, and this sheet ends here!

**Root**: Good, so we can stop talking?

**Me**: Sure –_presses mute button-_

**Foaly**: Interesting…

**Me**: Shutup dude, you're supposed to be muted!

**Foaly**: D'ARVIT YOU

**Me**: o.o Uhm, yeah, you're embaressing yourself buddy. Well really, it was Eoin's fault for making such a stupid sounding swear word, BUT WE GOTTA GO ANYWAY so see you next time on WBTDLOE!

**OH! BAM! GO ME! I DID put this fic up! I feel so good for finishing it! Well finish typing this up, which really isn't that big of an achievement, but I changed a lot of stuff to. I could REALLY use your reviews, so please review, I'm thinking that I may open 2 spots to be in the fic, one old reviewer that never got a chance to be in it, and a new reviewer, so review and say a bit about yourself and you could be in this fic.**

_Yours till you fluff my ostrich,_

.:The OddBird:.


End file.
